Solar Return, Lunar Surprise
It took turning another year older and the energy of a full moon to realize that an extended cycle of my life is complete, one that has encompassed several cycles of sun and moon. Another begins. I find myself in that awkward transitional zone between what has passed away and what is yet to manifest and be seen.
Perhaps that is why no words are coming. I sit in front of the computer and try to express myself, but there is a gap between what I am experiencing and my ability to process and articulate it.
After reflecting last night on the past year of my life, I realized that my friendships from the past have faded in importance, that I no longer cling to the old to show me who I am. There are certain people who will always be dear to me, but there is no one and nothing to hold me in stasis anymore. It is disconcerting and freeing to experience myself this way -- unnerving to realize that I am friendless, in the sense that there is no one, save my sister or mother, with whom I can share my new experiences. Though I may be friendless, I am not in the least alone.
Yesterday was a day filled with love and promise. My beloved and I explored some of the coastline to the north and saw two fawns, a doe, and a buck along the way, as well as many varieties of birds we couldn’t identify and enough green to soothe the most agitated Liver. We watched Raja race along the beach and felt the freedom he embodied as he extended himself to his full range and speed, the Greyhound in him alive and well.
Last night I crawled into bed feeling alive and changed, and was startled to see the moon in all her full splendor hanging above, beaming on me through the skylight. Doug was sheathed in shadow. Mars stood off to her right, a red and mighty encouraging presence. It seemed an important portent of things to come, though in exactly what way, I couldn't say. I let myself fill with their light and after an unknown amount of time had passed, drifted peacefully off to sleep.
I have so much to be thankful for. I have so much to learn.
posted by Willa @ 9:47 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Jaim-jaim...where to start...I'll keep this short, and email or call (yes, I really will) sometime later today. I'm just going to say now that I'm proud of you and I love you and I've been thinking about you a ton the last two weeks. You are not friendless, life just moves differently now (at least for me - babies will do that to you). Thank you for your patience - this friend is still here and hopefully we can figure something out. hugs and love (and big wet kisses from Daniel) Casie jo
and by the way, Iowa misses you
Glad you made it safely to the coast. I absolutely know what you mean about the gap between what you are experiencing and your ability to process and articulate it - I'm having a similar problem. Glad too that you enjoyed some time outdoors with nature and Raja. I could do with a time outside alone (well, with the dogs), but with the holidays coming, I'm finding it more difficult to spend time alone.
Happy birthday! What a beautiful post. Sending you loving energy for the year to come.
xx,
Reya
Thank you all for your support and encouragement. It is warmly received and appreciated.
Ahhh...Jaimie. Don't think I forgot about you when we so closely celebrate our respective birthdays. My card was likely late because I didn't have your P.O. box. Sorry 'bout that. I hope to still consider us friends, despite the fact that the term bends and twists to fit the changing relationship that it describes. I promise to call soon. Time doesn't seem to be on my side lately.
Yours-gretchen
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